found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
