Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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