1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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