You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
