My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
