Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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