I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
