my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
