you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
