Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
