We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
