woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
