she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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