I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You have to summon your inner elephant
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
