Already got asked if we're dating
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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