So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
