Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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