you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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