Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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