i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
