So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
