I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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