hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
