I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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