He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
