whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
