I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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