I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
