Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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