I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
