He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
