So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
