I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just found puke in my bra..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
