Can i not drive my cunt home
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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