So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
