i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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