I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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