You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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