shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
