Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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