Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
