This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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