Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
