Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
