She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
