i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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