i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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