I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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