You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
