Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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