my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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